“When Motherhood felt like a punishment!” My Postpartum depression Story
After a year of my marriage I got pregnant and from the day I revealed the good news there was a continuous flow of advice and good wishes, but then I was so happy about my pregnancy that it never bothered me. Although at times it confused me. However, I always followed what my doctor said. I have gone through all pregnancy discomforts a pregnant woman goes through but I was like it’s just for 9 months and after the birth of my baby everything will be fine.
But I was wrong; things got really twisted after the birth of my baby.
I gave birth in June and my baby was healthy, it was a C-section delivery and for first few days my stitches were paining and with that I started facing difficulty in feeding. My baby used to sleep a lot and after waking up it was not able to get proper feeding. I started feeling guilty that I am unable to nourish my baby and then even after the feeding process became normal and my baby was getting proper feeding, I used to cry a lot while feeding it and the strange part was I didn’t even know the reason that why I am crying.
I used to have fights and arguments with my husband over trivial issues and I became so emotionally fragile that I started feeling it’s only the baby that matters to everybody and nobody cares for me.
Though I love my baby I started feeling guilty that I am not that perfect mother and whenever I had been told being a lactating mother what I should eat and what I shouldn’t, I felt more guilty that why this people think that I am unable to take care of my baby.
Although my baby started having proper feeding, it used to have feeding during midnight and I couldn’t sleep; further in the morning I was expected to get up early as I was staying with my in-laws and then I started losing my appetite. My husband was so busy with his job and other family matters that I felt neglected by him and there was a point where I felt I was totally lost as I was not only facing problem in bonding with the baby but somewhere I started questioning my bonding with other family members too. I felt as if I was there to just deliver a baby and feeding it and there is no one who cares about my existence.
On a routine check-up of my baby I told my gynecologist about what I was going through and then she told me it’s a case of postpartum depression and before things get worse – I should take the help of a counselor. I did take the help and discussed these things with my husband that how I felt and later on I started concentrating on activities like reading, listening music, talking with my friends and things started improving.
I would advice and recommend to all the mothers in post-delivery phase or who are going-to-be mommies, that postpartum depression is a normal occurrence faced by several women. It can make you feel vulnerable, agitated, depressed and anxious. As in my case, it can also affect your relationship with your baby and family. So, it is advisable to talk and discuss with your family what you’re feeling and you are going through and take some professional help from your doctor or counselor. Things will gradually improve and you will be able to enjoy the beauty that is the motherhood!
Contributor chose to be Anonymous
This article is previously posted at OoWomaniya.
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